Wedding Advice - Relationships

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Relationships

My fiancé recently proposed to me and I agreed. The situation is that I have met someone else that I really love. I think I agreed to marry him (my fiancé) as I wasn't expecting it. Now he's announced to friends and family our plans, I feel so much pressure to go through with it. I love him but I'm not 'in-love' anymore! We have been together for 6 years now, what's your advice?

If you don't feel you are in love with your now fiancé, or can never be, then you need to carefully think if you want to continue the relationship. Try and think back to what made you first fall in love with him and see if you can rekindle those moments. Six years is a long time to be with someone to jeopardise everything like that. Maybe suggest having a long engagement, if you feel you can rescue your relationship, and use the excuse that you don't want to rush into your wedding arrangements.

Does this other person you think you are in love with feel the same about you? You need to find out how they feel as you could be risking everything for a fling as your present relationship has gone stale. If you discover they do have similar feelings for you, then you have to finish things with your fiancé as it is not fair to him. He should be given the chance to find someone who loves him and wants to be with him. Explain to him gently that you do love him, but not as a fiancé should. Tell him you care about him but feel you cannot go through with the wedding at the moment.

You need to do this before you make any more solid arrangements, as they can be costly. Don't worry about the pressure from family and friends. If the wedding is mentioned just smile and nod. If they are trying to sort out arrangements, then butt in and explain that it is all so much to take in at the moment and you don't want to rush things. Be firm about this so you don't get bullied into doing something you don't feel is right. It's worse to get married and realise it's a mistake, than calling the whole thing off at the last minute, or even worse, jilting him at the altar. There could also be legal implications involved if you are married. It's a difficult decision to make and even harder to go through with it if he is not the one you want. But think to the future and be strong.

I am due to get married at the end of November but I'm beginning to wonder if I should go through with it. My fiancé proposed to me a year ago, it was so romantic and seemed like a fairy tale. However, that all seems so far away now, we hardly even speak about our wedding plans and when I ask his advice and opinions he just shrugs as if he's not bothered. How did my dream turn into something so mundane, I think he's lost interest and is beginning to have second thoughts, or am I just being paranoid?

It's normal for brides to get pre-wedding jitters so don't worry! You obviously want everything to be perfect for your big day, but in my experience, your fiancé is acting as most men do in such situations. He may come across as not being bothered but I'm sure he just wants everything to be as perfect as you do on your big day. Have you told him how his reaction affects you? If you feel you can't talk to him now, then perhaps you need to sort out this part of your relationship first. You need to be able to talk openly to each other for it to work.

I'm sure if you sit down with him you'll find he can sense you are stressed and he just doesn't want to add to your worry. He is also probably happy with the way the wedding is being planned so doesn't feel you need his input. Tell him you do as you value his opinion, as after all the wedding day is for both of you.

I asked my girlfriend to marry me last year and she accepted. At the time I really thought I wanted to get married but as the day approaches I am feeling less and less enthusiastic. I have thought about calling the whole thing off but that would put an end to the relationship as my girlfriend is really excited about the wedding. I still want to see her and wouldn't mind living together but just don't want to get married. Is there a way round this?

There really is no way round this without someone getting hurt. Have you thought about why you asked her to marry you in the first place, and why you have now changed your mind? Has your situation changed in any way, for example a different job, different friends? All of these can have a major influence on your life and decisions to be made. Has your fiancé changed; which is making you doubt your decision to marry her?

It is quite normal for everyone to get cold feet before their wedding day, but if you feel it is not right then you need to sit down and talk to her. If she is so excited about the wedding plans, then yes, she will be upset. But if she loves you and you give her a good reason for calling off the wedding, then there is no reason why she should leave you. She is likely to be annoyed and angry, and it will be difficult to explain to people that you have called off the wedding, but you could always put it down to financial worries, as people generally know how expensive it is to get married nowadays.

After all, she has agreed to marry you so she must have feelings for you that run deep and can't be switched on and off. You will also gain more respect from her by talking, rather than running away from the problem, or going along with the wedding and then finishing things later on.

Before you make any decisions I would sit down and think hard about why you have changed your mind a year later. Even make a list, as sometimes it benefits to write things down so you can see it in black and white, rather than lots of muddled thoughts racing through your mind.

Whatever decision you come to, make sure you do it for yourself.