Wedding Advice - Etiquette

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Etiquette

What’s a Receiving Line and how does it work?

The receiving line is a line of people formed to greet arriving guests individually. The receiving line can either take place as people arrive at the reception or as they make their way into the dining room if drinks are being served first.

A formal receiving line is where the bride and groom line up with both sets of parents and greet each guest as they go to sit down for a meal. Informally, it can be just the couple that receives their guests.

If both sets of parents are in the line, it is advisable to go through the guest list together before the day so that everyone is acquainted with the guest's names.

Traditionally the order of people in the line is as follows:

• Bride's mother
• Bride's father
• Groom's mother
• Groom's father
• Bride
• Groom
• Chief Bridesmaid or Maid of Honour
• Best Man

The bride's mother and father come first in the line, as traditionally they are the hosts, although this is not always the case nowadays. If you have lots of guests attending the reception, it's best to keep the receiving line as short as possible to avoid long queues.

I'm trying to write a speech but I'm having trouble with the first line, 'On behalf of my new wife and I ...'. I have been married before so 'my new wife' might not be appropriate?

Speeches are always a tricky one and can be very political. Do you have to use the phrase 'my wife'? Why not use 'On behalf of Mrs X and myself'. This still has the novelty of using your new wife's title, and also showing that she has in fact taken on your surname too.

We are getting married in September and are currently renting but saving to buy our first home together. We have bought all our own furniture, etc, and have everything we need.

We were wondering if it would be acceptable to ask for money to help us raise the deposit rather than gifts that we don’t need. Can you suggest a way of wording this tactfully?

Yes, it is acceptable to ask for money, and I’m sure that guests would rather give you something you would find useful rather than waste their money on something you don’t need. Most couples feel awkward when it comes to the subject of their wedding gifts, but it is better to let the guests know what you really want.

Normally a wedding list card is included with the wedding invitation, but there is no reason why you cannot include a card along the lines of:
‘Michelle and (your fiancé) would be grateful to receive money towards a deposit for their first home rather than gifts. Thank you, and we look forward to welcoming you to our wedding.’

My fiancé and I would like to leave our reception at around 9pm. I was just wondering how to tell people before hand? Someone has suggested printing ‘Carriages 9pm’ on the invites. Is this correct – I’ve never heard of this phrase before?

'Carriages 9.00pm’ is an acceptable way of letting your guests know you will be leaving, but it is not a very modern phrase, so as you point out, some of your guests may not understand what it means. You could always put on the invites: ‘The bride and groom will be departing for their honeymoon at 9.00pm’. This makes it perfectly clear when you will both be leaving, giving guests a chance to have a chat with you before you go.

I am helping to arrange a wedding and was wondering who travels in the wedding cars. Do the Bride, her Bridesmaids and the Bride's family still all go in the cars from the Bride's house? Do the Groom and his Best Man and the Groom's family still go in the cars from the Groom's house? On the other hand, these days, does everyone make their own way to the church and only the Bride and Bridesmaids and the Groom and Best Man go in the cars to the church?

Firstly you need to look at the budget available for wedding transport as it can quickly become expensive. With regards to who goes with whom, this depends on what the Bride and Groom want. Some couples arrange transport for the whole family and wedding party, and others just concentrate on the Bride, Mother of the Bride, Bridesmaids, Groom, Best Man and Ushers. In this instance it is traditional for the Mother of the Bride to travel in the same car as the Bridesmaids, and the Groom, Best Man and Ushers to travel in another. Finally, the Bride and her Father (or whoever is giving her away) travel to the church together.

A lot of couples arrange for a Limousine to take the Groom's wedding party as they tend to have more Ushers than Bridesmaids, so they can all travel in one vehicle which helps to keep the cost down. Other types of transport which are used are a horse and carriage, vintage cars and even fire engines for those in the services! If you are looking at transporting the wedding party and guests, then vintage buses are a good idea and tend to be more cost effective than taxis. Plus, you can be assured that your guests will all arrive on time and at the correct place!

We have struggled to raise the money to pay for our wedding and we have invited the maximum number of guests that we can afford. The problem is that I have a few single friends and I am worried that they will assume it is ok to bring their current boyfriends to the reception. What should I do to prevent this from happening?

If you haven't put 'and guest' on the invitation then they shouldn't assume it's ok. Life is never this simple, I know, so it might be an idea to send a note to your single friends explaining that your budget is tight and that you can't afford any other guests. If you keep this as a general rule then everyone should be ok with it - making exceptions to one or two people would be asking for trouble!

How can we tell our guests that we don’t want to have any children at the reception. I don’t want to offend anyone but can’t bear the thought of having twenty kids running around causing mayhem.

Most parents will be glad of the chance of an adults only party, although it is, still, a sensitive topic. Putting ‘adults only’ (or words similar) on your wedding invitation could offend some parents so you will have to be more diplomatic.

Try wording your invites so that it is clear who is invited, for example invite ‘Mr & Mrs John Smith’, rather than ‘The Smith Family’. Hopefully, most couples will understand this and RSVP for themselves only. If any guests RSVP that they and their children will be attending then you can call them and explain that because your budget is tight you have had to rule out any children attending. (it doesn’t matter if your budget is tight or not – people won’t be offended this way)!

Of course, if you can afford it, hire a children’s entertainer and a couple of childminders and let the kids have there own party!